I am a 28 years old adult.  Reality is, I grew up early and fast.  Becoming a mom at the age of 20- I grew up even faster.  I’m not only a single mom, but I have been helping take care of family of six over the last few months as my mom’s health has been going down hill.  I’m the one who stays perfectly calm in a crisis, and rallies everyone around to get things done and taken care of.    I’m the one who mediates arguments; and at my job, I take charge and go above and beyond.  I know how to show compassion and soothe owwies and broken hearts.  I am no stranger to adult responsibility.

But, there is another part of my personality.  I am also a Little.  Now, my little is a HUGE part of who I am.  My family knows that I have no problem being silly and giggly over the smallest things.  For my 18^th birthday, my parents got me a Talking Eeyore.  They have no clue what a little is, it is just a part of who I am.  Frequently my child says, “Mom, you’re such a little kid!”   My little varies between about 6-8, and 16 years old.  The 6-8 year old loves coloring, playing at the park, silly kid’s songs, almost anything, Disney, picture books, and stuffed animals.  She is very much like I was at that age- polite, cheerful, well mannered, and often says the wrong big word when she was wanting a different one.  I will color pictures and gift them away.  I still put an assignment I am very proud of up on the refrigerator.  Oh, and I ask a TON of questions, like “What is that?”, “Why do they do that?”  The 16 year old is a bit more sassy and bratty.  She sticks her tongue out and blows raspberries, and is often a bit flirty.  She gets very excited over cool new shoes and clothes.

Now, unless you are privy enough to know me outside the walls of the dungeon, you will probably not see this side of me.  I have pretty thick walls around me, and don’t let many in.  There may be brief moments when my little peeks out from around a wall- like seeing me color at various events, or a periodic moment of a pout with puppy-dog eyes, or a glimmer in my eyes of me contemplating a bratty response.  Yet, these moments are few and far between.  My little is a very vulnerable side of me.  There are qualities that are always out- my awe-like wonder at the world.  The excitement I get when the sun glistens off a spider web so I can see all the intricate design, or how amazed I get over a beautiful sunrise.  But, my little also is a coping mechanism for me.  There are times that all my adult responsibilities just get to be too much.  I don’t want to have to deal with it all, and just want to let go of it all.   Coloring is one thing that really relaxes me.  I may even curl up with a stuffed animal and go to sleep.  I rarely cry in front of others anymore, and it is more often when I am in little headspace, when I am able to release the tears.  This is why my little doesn’t often come out to play.  Though like toddler who sits there watching your every movement, taking you in, deciding if you are okay or not- when I am sitting there quietly observing- this is also my little doing the same thing.  My little takes it in, while the adult me analyzes the information.

Now is my little like everyone’s little?  Of course not!  I am uniquely me; and every person has their own unique little too.  There are adult babies.  There are those that do age play.  There are littles who are younger- and there are littles who are older.  Some have something that triggers their little to come out.  Some littles can self soothe. Others may need a Daddy, Mommy, or Uncle to help soothe them.  Some littles like to play together.  Others may like to keep to themselves.  Just as no two people are the same, no two littles are same.   Just a little perspective from this little girl.