For some reason this has just been on my mind for a few days now, and often I have to write things out to get them out of my head and I am just not shy at sharing those things. I was thinking about how far I’ve come on my kinky journey, and how different that journey has become. Literally, a year ago, I was a collared slave, but it was a long distance thing to the tune of about 1,326 miles. It was strictly Master/ slave and erotic hypnosis with perhaps a hint of 1950’s household- no bondage- no sadomasochism. I was quite content. Back then, online/ long distance always held an element of safety for me. It literally kept my kink at arms length and then some. I always knew that if I ever joined the BDSM community, I would not be able to live in the closet too terribly long- so I stuck with long distance and D/s relationships. Now because of that, I had some protocols that others sometimes view as extreme. For example- he picked out what I wore everyday through email, text, or phone. He had photos and descriptions of all “approved” clothing. I was only allowed to wear dresses- which was a HUGE switch for me. I got permission to do a lot of different things, especially when I did start putting my toes into the waters of the local kink community. When you are long distance, you still need an element of protocol.

Since then, things are dramatically different. I have since changed my role to submissive. This doesn’t mean that I don’t think I would still be happy as a slave- it is just in my current dynamic, I have more choice than when I was in the M/s dynamic. I like that too. As a submissive, His submissive- naturally, often my choices are tailored to please His tastes because I view myself as an extension of Him- and this makes me happy. Yes, I can pick out my own clothes and nail color now. On most days, I wear the clothes that fit my personality- cute with a little hint of tomboy- that is just me. When I am going to see Him- I take a little extra time to pick out something that I think that He would appreciate. He and I have other protocols now that I am in a dynamic that does not involve 1,300+ miles and me hiding in the closet. I am definitely more “me” now than I was before, even if “me” is an ever-evolving term.

Now, obviously we are on  a Fetish/BDSM Community Website. We have kinksters, Fetistists, Tops, bottoms, Switches, Masters, Dominants, slaves, submissives, and I am sure the labels could go on and on and on. I do get it is hard for me to understand the mindset of a Dominant- I am not a Dominant, just as I am sure that it may be hard for some Dominants to understand the mindset of submissives. But just because I am not a Dominant doesn’t imply that I am not independent and incapable of making decisions for myself. In my job, I have to be in charge of my groups and make decisions and plan accordingly. I am a single mom- trust me- I have to make a LOT decisions all the time regarding what to do about his healthcare, school, extracurricular activities, etc. And I make a lot of choices and decisions about my own life that piss off people. Though, it is not a choice for me to be kinky and have a desire for BDSM, it is a choice to be active in the local community- a decision of mine that drove my parents up the wall for a while, but now one overlooked enough to be my babysitters so I can go out and spend time with my Sir and my friends.

We just have to remember, submissives are the yin to the Dominants yang. In a D/s dynamic, there has to be that balance, or can you imagine at how well that would work out? Submissive does not imply weakness anymore than Dominance implies pompous arrogance- they are neither nor. They merely define the roles of two people in a dynamic with each other, and outside that dynamic- they can rather different. Just ask my friends, and I have always been VERY bratty and sarcastic- ~giggles~ and not so much when I am around AZropedntied