INTOLERABLE PAIN 

I've always thought of myself as strong as a Rock, steady as Stone, but

All I want to do these days is curl up in a ball and cry all alone

It feels like a pain I've never known, like the tearing of my flesh to increase the size of the hole,

The hole in my heart from him going away, and rejecting me too day after day,

Mixed messages that were sent or perhaps just misread, maybe just all in my head,

How do I go on, What do I do now? I can't sleep, I can't think, I just don't know how,

I want to just cry all day and all night, I don't think I'm ever going to feel alright. 

I want him to know how much I love him and that this makes me so sad,

But I want him to remember all the fun times we've had,

,

This pain is even beyond 'cutting', it's too much for even that to soothe,

So what the Fuck am I supposed to do?

God, What did I do to deserve this?

How do I get back, from this dark place I'm in?

Will I ever come back, Do I want to come back ? just to be hurt again , someday in the future?

Maybe I should stay, forever in this place, where it's safe, in the pain, because when you are in Pain,

No one else can hurt you, Yes maybe this is the best option for now. 

While my heart still beats for Him.. anyway...

Written (4-3-09)